Bali and the secret to pert breasts

Well I am on my last day in Bali and I have really enjoyed my time here. I would be a womble if I didn’t because it really is beautiful, especially when you escape the madness that is downtown Ubud and get out into the countryside. It is so lush and green and just what you imagine Bali to be.

I did yoga and meditation and drank mojitos with a lovely Australian girl I met called Phoebe. I also did a bike trip through rice fields and cursed at Bali drivers, who are ABSOLUTELY MENTAL. The traffic here is unbelievable, though I believe fairly standard for Aisa. It’s like Italy, with more bikes, less pedestrian crossings and no rules whatsoever! Whoever gets there first wins. They also like to drive up the middle of the road. They got a fair few fucks from me yesterday I can tell you.  Everyone on scooters and beeping all the time. You just have to tough it out and cross the road when you can and ignore the beeping.  But when they are off the bikes the people here are really nice and gentle. And have tiny waists. The women I mean.

I just watched a massive cockroach type thing crawl out under my door but you don’t see too many critters, though I got a few nice bites. Lots of chickens and roosters though, cock-a-doodle-dooing at all hours of the day and night. (The keep them for sacrifices – not joking.) That’s what earplugs were invented for however.

The place is covered in offerings – they leave them to the gods and to the super-natural world which I think is animals and humans. The Balinese believe in attracting good energy by leaving flowers and incense around their spaces, hence all the offerings. They also believe in cremating dead bodies on auspicious dates, so they will bury a dead body for months until a lucky date comes up, and they can afford the cremation ceremony! They will dig up the body and give it a proper send off. They are very practical when it comes to the religious dictates.

I also discovered the secret to pert breasts – carry things on your head. If you look at traditional Balinese painting you will notice the women’s breasts were bare and very shapely. No drooping. Apparently it’s all down to the way that women carried loads on their heads, and the lifting required to get things onto their head! The women are covered now but they still carry things on their heads all the time. Top tip ladies.

I have to get up at the crack of dawn for my flight to Perth – don’t all feel sorry for me at once. I am hoping to meet up with Stephen Keegan (ex Gallico employee like me) when I get there, so will bring him up to speed on things.  I really enjoyed my stay in Bali and am really sorry to be leaving. But I have a ticket and I’m gonna use it!